Can I be honest with you?
Sometimes I completely feel lost.
In fact, this hollow emotion hits me at least twice a day. For a moment the future looks impossibly hard to navigate, hope seems to be lost and life-long sobriety seems ways out of reach.
But what worst of all is that when this feeling hits my heart, I feel like I’m all alone. Like no one else on earth could possibly feel the way I do. Everyone else seems to know where they are going and who they are going with. All you have to do is check Facebook or Instagram and you’ll see. Joy, Purpose, Happiness, Passion. Everyone seems to have what they want or headed across town to get. And then there’s me.
Why don’t I have what they have?
Where are my celebrity pictures and courtside seats?
I should have a model girlfriend and a new car. Right? So why don’t I?
Are they working harder than me?
What do I have to do to live that life?
What’s wrong with me?
Sometimes I just feel lost….
Do you ever this feel way? I know I can’t be the only one right?
A few years back I was facing another big prevailing problem in my life, sobriety. And back then I thought I was the only one staring down that demon as well. Turns out I wasn’t. A beautiful little ranch out in Oklahoma showed me that at least thirty other men were struggling with the same problem. That tiny little revelation that other people were struggling with the same problems that I was struggling with changed my life forever. I realized I was not alone and that gave me HOPE. And that Hope changed everything.
Hope told me I wasn’t alone, but that I was surrounded by people just like me
Hope gave me a future, when all I could see was pills and booze
Hope gave me the confidence to say yes to new opportunities
Hope gave me a purpose, when I lived in apathy
Hope showed me a world I didn’t know existed
Hope gave me a the ability to love myself
Hope inspired me to get back out there
Hope freed me when I was imprisoned
Hope taught me to care for others
Hope found me, when I was lost.
Hope changed everything!
I can remember the first time I sat in group therapy and listened to other men share their stories. I couldn’t sit still, I was hoping up and down, saying to myself, “Yes, I did that” and “Yep, I do that too!” Crazy story after crazy story hit so close to home I could hear the doorbell ringing. I walked out of that first session ten pounds lighter, holding my head up for the first time in nearly ten years. I wasn’t alone after all.
So if I wasn’t alone then, I know that I am not alone today. And that gives me hope.
Today, as you read this my hope is that you too will find some relief in knowing that other people are struggling too. You are not alone! What you see on Facebook and Instagram is the highlight reel of people’s lives, it’s not always reality. We live in a world that tells us to show our best and hide the rest. But as recovering addicts we not afforded this privilege. We don’t get the luxury of faking it anymore. We know that secrets will kill us, but that authenticity and vulnerability are the key ingredients to freedom.
The fact is, Michael Stipe was right on back in ’96, everybody does hurt. We do feel lonely and filled with doubt, sometimes. But the quickest way to take a step back towards joy and happiness is accepting that you are not alone.
We are walking this journey hand in hand. You’ve got my back and I’ve got yours. Together we can do this. And when we can come to believe in this sacred hope, then everything begins to change.
-Hope is Alive
