Have you ever experienced true brokenness?
A moment when your soul just feels empty and nothing in the world can fill it?
For some men, brokenness may sound a little sissified, for some woman maybe a little too vulnerable.
But true brokenness is beautiful. And I believe one of the keys to living a life of freedom.
For me I’ve walked through my share of brokenness and it’s helped me to become a stronger leader, a better father and a more compassionate friend.
One of my most profound experiences with brokenness came a few summers ago when I was attending a life-enrichment training in Dallas called Discovery. It was at this training that God gave me a vision of how he wanted me to lead and live for the rest of my time here on earth.
I look back on that time at Discovery as a marker in my life, a day that changed every day after it. Before that day, I lived and lead a certain way. Often times arrogantly, with tendencies to be territorial and demand perfection from my employees and peers. I lacked compassion, was completely self-driven and judgmental. It’s clear now as I look back that those unflattering traits were driven by fear and insecurity.
You see even though I may have portrayed security on the outside, on the inside I was bankrupt and filled with doubt.
I didn’t believe I was worth a dime. I didn’t think I had what it took. I thought I was a phony.
I wasn’t smart enough, old enough, wise enough or experienced enough to be a leader.
I didn’t believe I could be an effective leader, boss or counselor. I thought I had to be perfect or at least portray some sense of “having it all together.” I couldn’t just be me. I wouldn’t have been enough.
But the truth is, I never had it all together and I never will. And that’s exactly what God was waiting for me to figure out.
I was broken, flawed, defective, and until I realized that only God would be able to repair me, and that even my best attempts would come up short. I would struggle to ever fulfill the purpose for which I was created.
Thankfully, that all began to change n on that fateful summer day at Discovery.
During one of the exercises some brave souls challenged me to take a hard look at myself and ask this question…
“Are you really living up to who you truly want to be?”
At first I really resisted. I pushed back, fear racing through my blood I began to blurt out how I had done this or done that, boasting about worldly success. But they didn’t care. It was clear to them what was missing in my life and they loved me enough to tell me. I wasn’t willing to allow God to break me. I was stubborn and my faith wasn’t strong enough to just back up and say, “I can’t do this on my own anymore.”
When the exercise was over, the word broken was all over me, along with tears, regret and a touch of freedom. One of the leaders of the training told me after words that a broken man was a beautiful man. She explained that it wasn’t a flaw or malady, but rather a state of being that beckons us towards humility, transparency, authenticity and an overall dependence upon God for every outcome. That is the state I strive to lead from now. A place of emotional security, where I accept my depravity, unequivocally acknowledge my flaws, believe that God loves me all the same, and credit Him for any successes I can muster out of this broken body.
I don’t always succeed. But when I do, I can clearly see how it enables my relationships to blossom and how it points all things back to God. Ultimately I see that a broken man is a beautiful man.
-Hope is Alive
To read more about brokenness and HOPE pick up Lance’s new book “Hope Changes Everything”.
