Recently I’ve had the distinct pleasure of working with several men early in sobriety. I’m talking really early, like 2 days, 5 days, 2 weeks early. It’s been really invigorating for me because it’s somewhat of a departure from the men I’m typically working with who have several months or years under the belt.
What’s different with people new to recovery is the greater risk of relapse. Each day is a grind and presents huge obstacles to overcome in order to stay clean. The smallest of disagreements, comments or change in the weather can send a guy or gal back out. It’s a challenging time early on, which is why we use the mantra, one day at a time. Because in the end that’s really all we’ve got.
But as I’ve been working with these new guys I’ve began to spot what the Five Man Electrical Band would say are, “Signs, Signs everywhere the Signs”. So if you are early in recovery, married to someone who is or parenting someone who is… keep reading.
Here are three signs you’re headed down the wrong path. If you see any of these signs in your life, check your internal GPS and get back headed true North!
1. You Start Thinking You’re Really Special
Let me say this, you are really special in Gods eyes ok? Don’t get me wrong and don’t get your feelings hurt. You are a beautiful, unique creation, purposefully created to do what only you can do. But when it comes to your recovery hear me loud and clear, “YOU ARE NOT SPECIAL”! You can’t go out and do your own thing and expect it to work in early sobriety. There is a reason why you ended up where you did. It’s because your way didn’t work. That’s the bad news, the good news is there is a solution to your problems and it’s worked for millions and millions of other people. And it leads to a life filled with purpose, passion and joy! It’s a great life, but you can’t get there thinking the rules don’t apply to you. Follow what has worked for others and you will reap the benefits!
2. You Get In A Relationship
You know what the number one cause for relapse is…? Opposite sex relationships. It’s the biggest issue among people early in recovery. Why? We’re not emotionally stable enough to handle the rigors of relationships. Good, healthy, long lasting relationships take a lot of work and for the early seasons of your sobriety your focus needs to be on you, not anyone else. That is why I fully subscribe to this tried and true recovery suggestion—“No romantic relationships with anyone of the opposite sex for the first full year of your sobriety”.
Now, most of the people I work with don’t like this rule, but here’s what I’ve come to find out. The men and women who really want to stay clean will do what’s proven to work for other people, the people that really don’t want it will think their special and go jump in a relationship.
Look, relationships are tough, sober or not, if you don’t believe me just ask someone who is married! So don’t try and complicate your early sobriety by trying to find your future bride or groom at an AA meeting. It just won’t work.
3. You Refuse To Tell Anyone You’re Sober
If you want to relapse, make sure no one knows you’re trying to stay sober. Just hide it from everyone, don’t tell anyone at your work, don’t tell your Sunday School class or life group, for that matter don’t even tell your spouse.
I know I’m being a little harsh, but it just wears me out to watch people struggle with relapse time and time again only to find out no one knows they are even trying to stay clean. I tell guys and gals all the time, you don’t have to tell the whole world you’re clean like I did. But you the more people you tell, the more accountability you have. If no one knows, no one can help.
Historically sobriety has been an anonymous journey and trust me I understand why it started that way. But in today’s society I think it’s counterproductive and ends up limiting your social protection. In the end, the more people that know the more people can help.
In my work with drug addicts and alcoholics early in recovery, these are the most common signs that a relapse could be on its way. I hope this helps provide some insight into what you may be dealing with yourself or with someone you love.
Another great resource for people early in recovery is my first book “Hope is Alive”. This book was written specifically for men and women early in sobriety. It details 8 ways for addicts to build a strong foundation in which they can rely on during the first few critical years. You can pick it up on Amazon by clicking here.